Never again

Never again am I shopping at Walmart with my children. Never. Swear on my grandmother's fudge. And that's tantamount to swearing on the Holy Bible. I know I've made this threat before, but this time it's sticking. Today I bravely trekked to Walmart (who, by the way, is trying to take over the world, one city at a time. Think about it. You know it's true) with all my ducks in a row. We'd been to the dentist, a quick stop at Roberts (why do they NEVER have what I need??), a quick stop somewhere else to get a b-day present for my dad and bro-in-law, and I'd even taken them out to eat because they were being so good. Yeah, they sucked me in with their little innocent faces. I figured we could do Wallyworld in 30 minutes, max. After all, they were fed and everyone had pottied. HAHA!! Yeah. An hour and a half later, we were finally done. And I can't blame it all on the children. My Walmart is chaos right now while they remodel- nothing's ever in the same place. There's a little sign out front that says "only 26 days til your new walmart!". That number hasn't changed for three weeks. In fact, I think it's increasing. You walk back and forth and back and forth and back and forth again trying to find plastic straws, not realizing that you've passed them four times, and they're now in the hardware section next to the milk and sleeping bags. I can't blame my kids on the 4,000 other lost souls who were there with us, wondering where the eggs are now hidden. Which really bothered me- it was a Thursday afternoon. Does no one work anymore? I can, however, blame my children on climbing on the pyramids that they make out of the tp, and stopping to play every single Wii game they have advertised. I can also blame them on writing on the inside of every single door in the frozen food section, 'I was here', and jumping on and off the empty shelves, and bringing 47 things to me "Can we get this?" and then leaving it on some random shelf for some poor schmuck to pick up and wonder when they started storing frozen pizza rolls next to the finger nail polish. I can't blame them for being grumpy cuz I was grumpy, even though I think I walked a full 5K trying to find things. The kicker of the day was when we were on the way home, and Izzy was mad cuz Livi's balloon was in her face, so instead of politely saying, "Olivia, my dear sister, could you please move your lovely blue balloon out of my face? Thank you.", she decided to throw the rest of her chocolate milk from lunch at the balloon. Yes, the milk was open. And of course, I just vaccuumed and clorox wiped the entire van. So that's why now all the kids are banished in front of the tv and I'm holed up in the den on the computer and eating Ben & Jerry's right out the carton. And no, I'm not sharing. :)